“Lawful to you in marriage are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the their husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity not committing illegal intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends.”
Verse 5: Sura Ma’idah.
Verse 5: Sura Ma’idah.
Based on the above verse the wide consensus amongst Muslims is that whilst a Muslim man is permitted to marry a woman of the Book (a kitabiya) which has been expressly permitted by the Quran, the silence with regard to Muslim women indicates that a Muslim woman cannot marry man of the Book. This issue has raised concern amongst Muslim women and non - Muslims point this as being ‘another one of’ Islam’s bias against women.
The marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim is a marriage between two people who have two different moral codes. What is permitted and halal to the Muslim is permitted to the non – Muslim but what is forbidden and haram to the Muslim is not so forbidden to the non – Muslim. For example to raise a glass of champagne in toast is not just permitted but required for the non – Muslim whereas it is forbidden for the Muslim. This is only one of many possible clashes between these two moral codes.
However the haram conduct of one spouse may or may not infect the purity of the other spouse. For example if the husband is a drunkard, that does not make the wife a sinner as long as she is not an accomplice to his drunkenness. Thus in the story of Musa (alai) his foster mother Aasia is one of four holiest women in Islam even though her husband Fir’aun was cursed to be drowned in the Red Sea. In the context of modern day marriage there is one instance when the haram of one spouse does tend to pollute the other spouse.
Every Muslim knows the importance that Islam places upon earning and the strict rules it places upon the way we earn our incomes. If we consume haram earnings it pollutes us completely unless we purge the pollutant. Thus, on forbidden earnings even if we give zakat, it is not accepted by Allah (swt). Therefore Islam requires Muslims to exercise the highest degree of diligence and scrupulousness in the matter of how we earn our living. We should therefore not consume what is not ours and ensure that the sources of our income are also halal.
As we know the same rules of halal and haram that apply to the Muslim don’t apply to the non – Muslim. Thus the non – Muslim can invest in a distillery and consume the earnings whereas the Muslim cannot. More importantly in the context of modern financial instruments, the non – Muslim can transact in riba or interest whereas the Muslim cannot. To the non – Muslim it would only be ‘natural’ to invest in financial markets and instruments and earn the interest on the return. If the non – Muslim is need of capital then he obtains a loan where he undertakes to pay an interest. This is ordinary for them but not for us.
Now let’s examine the clash of the halal and the haram in the context of the marriage of the Muslimah to the non – Muslim. How can she ensure herself that her sustenance is halal? One option is for her to impose the strict rules of Islamic etiquette on her husband. She has to tell him he cannot have savings accounts which pay him interest or take that loan to buy that car at low interest. She has to tell that even though a stock is doing well on the market that they can’t buy it because the company is engaged in a haram business. She also has to tell him that he cannot take his clients to ‘drinks’ so that he could clinch the deal. Is this feasible in reality? Is it fair on him, to impose a strict code of conduct which is rooted in something he does not believe in? Preventing him from doing things which in his view are ‘perfectly normal’? Spouses imposing rules on each other and supervising for compliance is the formula for an unhappy marriage especially if the one who is asked to observe the restrictions does not accept the rationale behind those rules.
Rather than imposing rules she has another option. She can provide for herself and her child and leave her husband the discretion and the freedom to earn his money the way he thinks is right but not be responsible for her and their children. Thus she will provide for them 100%. So from the house rent, to the car petrol, to the utility bills, to the school fees to even the vacation, the woman pays! Is this again an acceptable social reality?
Let’s presume for arguments’ sake that she imposes these rules and he obliges but what if unfortunately they divorce? Can she now insist that he maintain her or the kids? What obligation does he have to stick to the rules? Can she accept those payments? Thus as single mother she has to fend and provide for the child.
What we see is that in the marriage between the Muslimah and the non – Muslim, the Muslim either has to provide for herself and her kids or be engrossed in a lifelong debate with her spouse as to what is halal and haram when it comes to their family finances. Is this what Islam wants for a Muslim woman?
The status of a woman is Islam is that of security and dignity. Islam imposes rules on men and women so as to ensure the dignity of the woman. Islam recognises that the dignity and security a women depends largely on her financial independence. Thus at the time of marriage Islam requires the payment of Mahr. That however is not all. No matter how rich the woman is in Islam the woman has the absolute right to be maintained. “They (women) have rights (over their husbands with regard to living expenses)” (Sura 2:228). Therefore any property that belongs to her before, during or after the marriage does not belong to the husband and the husband has no right to demand that such property be utilised to meet family expenses.
This does not mean that a Muslimah has to stay at home. The first woman to enter Islam was the Prophet’s (sal) wife Khadeeja (rali) who was a very rich businesswoman and who in fact employed the Holy Prophet (sal) before their marriage. A Muslimah can insist on her maintenance from her husband without expending a cent from her property or earnings. This is a right every woman, believing or non – believing has and it is a security that a woman is given.
In a marriage between a Muslimah and a non – Muslim, a Muslimah loses this status of dignity and security. She marries a man who does not understand or believe in this and could insist that she contribute to the family expenses. Most non – Muslim marriages go on a 50% - 50% basis. But even for 50% that he contributes; well she has to impose rules on him and tell him to comply with Islamic laws of finance and trade, which after all he does not accept and what more she has to earn a living.
Thus the marriage of a Muslimah to a non – Muslim does not give her the secure framework which Islam gives the woman where she keeps her earnings and the husband provides for all her and their children’s needs through earnings which are halal.
However in the case of a Muslim man and a non – Muslim woman, the woman retains her security because as a Muslim man he is bound to provide for her and to let her enjoy for herself her income and property. This then secures him as well because he does not have to worry about the purity of her earnings nor does he have to impose strict rules on her to secure his purity.
This however is not the end of it. What if this woman from a state of non – hijab, decides to wear the hijab. Is that something that the non – Muslim male would permit? In a rare instance the husband might support it, but will he continue find her attractive? Will that marriage be without friction?
So when a Muslimah marries a non – Muslim she puts herself in a situation where there is a spiritual and emotional contradiction in her life and she loses her security and risks losing her dignity. She has to live life where she continues to defend her way and her rules which are more restrictive than his. That is neither the life of marital bliss nor the status that Islam wants to give her.
Now many women might say, yes, you may be right, but let me take the chance. The choice should be left to me. In other religions they leave choices to the human despite all his failings. They tell him, consume alcohol but with moderation. We know only too well how man can consume it with moderation? Allah (swt) being our Creator knows what we can and we can’t and so in His infinite wisdom saves us from our own ‘choices’ and discretion and prohibits what we simply cannot handle and gives us our security, dignity and peace.
The rules of Islam are what Allah (swt) has imposed in His divine wisdom so that His creations may live in peace in this world and in the hereafter. The logic that lies behind these rules is something we humans can only try to understand but Islam is not a religion the beauty of which is accessible only to a mystic. The beauty and the logic of Islam can be understood by the common person, only if she makes an effort to see it.
I end by praying that Allah (swt) should guide all of us in the correct path.
Allahu Akbar!
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